


Having Kittens

by dizzy



Category: Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-02
Updated: 2009-12-02
Packaged: 2017-10-04 02:25:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dizzy/pseuds/dizzy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set in a fluffy, fluffy world where Dom moves to Manchester after Lost. No women. Just kittens and corny dialogue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Having Kittens

"What are we going to do with her? " Dom asks. "You've disappointed me, girl. I thought you had more honor than that. I thought you were going places in this world. Going to get your A-levels, a year or two at uni. I had such big plans for you. You had to go and ruin it because of some flash bastard who couldn't keep his paws to himself. Well, I hope it was worth it."

The gray tabby, sleek except for her bulging belly, blinks up at him and purrs.

Billy wanders into Dom's kitchen. Dom listens to the sounds of glasses clinking and scritches the cat behind the ears.

"If it helps," Billy calls out, "I don't think she would have gotten into uni anyway. They've got rules for that sort of thing. They're horribly prejudiced against letting domesticated animals enroll."

"Bastards," Dom scowls.

"Well, she's your responsibility. You figure it out. You're the one that kept feeding her at the garage door. Why didn't you get her, you know, taken care of?"

"Taken care of?" Dom rolls his eyes. "Make it sound like I'd off her, or something."

"No, you know." Billy makes a hand gesture. "Neutered."

"You neuter a boy cat. You spay a girl."

"Spayed, then."

"Didn't think about it."

"Really, Dom." Billy puts a kind hand on Dom's shoulder. "The only thing for it now is to make the best of the situation. "

"We'll just have to take care of the kittens once they're born." Dom says, brightening up a bit. "That'll be fun, lots of kittens. "

"We? I live in Scotland, Dominic, not Manchester. I can't help you take care of the kittens. Besides, you're allergic." Billy points out. "Your eyes are already starting to get puffy."

Dom pushes the cat off of his lap. She waddles over to the corner and curls up, content to nap. "Shit, I better take something."

-

"Billy! Bill, you'll never guess."

"Kittens?"

"Kittens."

"How many is it, then?"

"Four or five. Five, I think, but I can't quite tell yet."

"Five?"

"Yeah. I think. You gotta come see them, they're brilliant, they're so little!"

"You expect me to drive three hours just to see your kittens?"

"Do you have anything better to do? I'll throw in dinner. There's a new place just opened up, they do a fantastic curry."

"I'll be there in a few hours."

"I'll ring you again if she has any more."

-

Dom's face is red and splotchy, and he's clearly been sitting beside the new mother all afternoon. He's fairly bouncing off the walls when Billy arrives.

"You really need a job," Billy says, giving the tabby an indulgant pat on the head, and then one to Dom. "Have you even been looking at scripts?"

"Who cares about scripts when you can witness the miracle of life?"

"Well, how was it, then?"

"Disgusting. Absolutely gross. But look at them!"

Billy grins. "Which one's my namesake?"

"Who says you get a namesake?"

"I do."

"Pfffft."

"So do you have them all named yet?"

"No!" Dom says, affronted. "You can't just name something willy-nilly. You have to wait and see what its personality is like. It's got to mean something. "  
Billy is skeptical. He points to one squirming slightly off to the side. "I think that one ought to be named Elwood."

"I'm not naming a kitten after Elijah!"

"Why not? "

"And I'm not naming one after you, either."

"Oh, you're no fun. "

-

"They're so cute, Bills, they've got their eyes open. You need to come see."

"I suppose I could clear this Saturday."

"I- really? I thought I'd have to do more talking to get you to!"

"Complaining?"

"Of course not. "

"All right, then."

Dom pauses. "You were already planning on coming, weren't you?"

"Maybe."

"I knew it!"

"For the kittens."

"Of course." Dom says. Phone lines cannot contain his glee; it spills over, making Billy smile and rock back and forth a little on his heels.

-

"I think you need a kitten." Dom sniffles.

"I think you need to take some more medicine."

"Just did. It'll start working soon."

"You sound halfway to death."

"I think you need a kitten. I think you need Ellie. You named her, after all."

"I did no such thing. "

"Yeah, you did. You said 'that's Elwood.' Except she turned out to be a girl, so she's Ellie. "

"Elwood's a girl?"

"Yep. "

"Fine, I'll take her."

-

Dom's eyes are red when he opens the door, but for once not because of the allergic reaction.

Billy knows what's wrong immediately; he puts his bag down, shuts the door, and gives Dom a big hug. "It's done?"

"It's done."

"You did the right thing. You couldn't keep them all forever."

"But she was only nine weeks old. She was still a baby."

"Which one was it?"

"Carrot."

"Carrot?"

"She likes carrots."

"Quite appropriate, then."

"Y-yeah."

"Dominic." Billy says, gently. "She's only gone next door. "

"I know, but."

"It'll be easier next time. First one leaving home is always the worst. Come on, I know what you need. "

"What's that?"

"Alcohol."

-

"Bill."

"Hmm?"

"'s good."

"What?"

"Alcohol. 's good."

"Yep."

"You like my kittens."

"Yep."

"You like me."

"Y.. yep."

"A lot."

"Right."

"Say it."

"I like you."

"A lot?"

"Dominic. I like you a lot."

"You're a good mate, Bill. You're the best. You're... you're better than a mate. You're what, you're whatever it is, that's better than a mate. What is that word?"

"I've no idea what you're talking about, Dom. "

-

Billy breaks the news to Dom about five minutes before he's set to leave.

"I'm taking two."

"What?" Dom's mouth drops open. He's cradling wee Ellie, trying not to be too heartbroken over losing her.

"Margaret said she'll take one, too."

"Which one?"

"You decide. "

"I can't decide!"

"Fine, that one, then. "

"Fred? You can't take Fred!"

"Fred?!"

"It's... do you read Harry Potter? You don't, do you? Never mind. Yeah, Fred."

"Dom, just imagine, when they're all gone you'll be able to breathe again. And you can come visit Ellie and Fred any time you want. "

"... yeah?"

"Of course."

"Okay. Next weekend good, then?"

"What?"

"For visiting. The kittens."

"Oh... I... yes." Billy catches the glint on Dom's eye and returns it with a gleam in his own. "I think Fred and Ellie would enjoy that very much."

-

"I gave the last two away today."

"Oh, Dom. I'm sorry. "

"Mum took them, and Mummy-cat. Don't know why I didn't think to ask her before. She was thrilled to bits, loves cats. And now that me and Matt are long gone, she can actually have them."

"You actually call her Mummy-cat?"

"Yes."

"... all right, then."

"How's Ellie?" Dom asks.

"She's a holy terror."

"It's cause she misses her dad. "

"Right, I'm sure that's it."

"Well, her dad misses her, too."

"If you're her dad, what am I?"

"Her other dad."

"Ellie has two daddies?" Billy snickers.

"Something like that."

"She'll have such a conflicted childhood. Imagine the teasing the other kittens will do."

"We can send her to private school."

"Or just do it ourselves."

"You can teach her music and I'll teach her biology!" Dom says.

"Who will teach her maths?" Billy says, pointing out the flaw in the plan.

"We can give her a computer. The internet will be her teacher."

"Great, she'll be a porn addict." Billy groans.

"Like father, like daughter..."

"Oh, bollocks."

"Yes, exactly. Bollocks and cunt." Dom all but cackles.

"Filthy bugger."

"Yes, buggery. That, too."

"This conversation is scarily homoerotic."

Dom whistles innocently.

"You'll be here this weekend?"

"Bright and early."

"I'll see you then."


End file.
